To my friend who feels lonely, my friend who feels unloved, my friend whose heart is sad, my friend who doesn't know where to turn (yes, dear one, this is to you):
Three and a half years ago, I wrote a blog titled "Broken: Journeying Through Depression" (linked, if you care to read it). That was three and a half years ago, and it still stands.
I'm here to tell you that beating depression isn't always a finite thing. Sometimes it comes back. Sometimes you hit weeks when it's impossible to get out of bed in the morning, and sometimes you have days where you look in the mirror and can't see a single thing that you like, and sometimes you get so caught up in to-do lists and social activities and taking care of other people that you forget to take care of yourself... and sometimes you realize that maybe, subconsciously, you knew what you were doing all along. Sometimes depression takes the form of turning your life into a whirlwind so fast and so full that you never have time to breathe, and sometimes it takes the form of ignoring the signs that you're pushing yourself too far - and then, sometimes, you hit a wall and have to re-evaluate everything.
But I'm also here to tell you that it's okay. This is not failure. You are not a basketcase (you don't know how many times I've had to repeat that to myself over the past few weeks). You are not a disaster. You are not a disappointment. You have not "gone off the rails," and you are not "unfixable."
You are strong; you are brave; you are courageous. You are a fighter, and you can beat this.
Three and a half years ago, I wrote that I'd been doing a lot better... and that was true. Today, I'm struggling a bit - but today, I'm also taking steps to fix this. Admitting it is the first step to finding healing. I know where I stand, and I know that there's one hell of a lot of work that I need to do before I can say that I've once again succeeded in beating depression... but damn it, I'm sure going to try.
I can say it a million times over and that's still not saying it enough, but if you're depressed... talk to someone. Drop me a line (I'd LOVE to be a listening ear)! Find your local counseling center, or a pastor at your church, or your best friend's mom, or your mom... you can beat this. We can beat this.
You are so loved, friend. Thanks for being a part of my life.
From my heart to yours,