Originally posted on Facebook - January 3, 2016 at 9:02 PM
I have a few things to say about 2015.
This past year has been one of the very best and very worst years I've experienced yet. From freelance work and chasing down paycheck after paycheck to ICU stays and figuring out how to take better care of myself, from meeting the man who gets me in ways I never thought anyone would get me to finding a community and a passion that keeps my feet moving and gives my heart a place to call home, from dealing with the ups and downs of depression to finding ways to talk about it and deal with it and beat it, from gaining a brother-in-law to building friendships with people who really see me - I constantly find myself looking back and realizing that yes, life is really stinking hard, but it is BEAUTIFUL and FULL and the reality is that my life wouldn't have half the meaning it does if it weren't for the hard things... and you know, the beautiful things balance it out.
I am so grateful for a mother who has taken time this year to really listen and try to understand what I'm dealing with and for her help and her shoulder to cry on when things get hard and her support and the way she believes in me. I am so grateful for a sister who is my best friend (even from far away) - and for constant Mexican food dates and Josie's trips and hugs and laughs and fights, too. I am so grateful for Victor and the way he loves Rikki and the way he loves our family - we are so lucky to have him. (I have a brother. I've always wanted a brother.) I am so grateful for friends like Elizabeth and Becca and Kristin who are there for me when everything is crazy and my head is going to explode - for being there for heart-conversations and letting me cry on the phone or on the couch or in the car and loving me well in spite or all of my hot-messiness. I am so grateful for a dance community that has helped me find my voice, my place, my rhythm, and my passion... and I am so grateful for the man who sees past all of my doubts and fears and insecurities and thinks I can do anything. Nick was - and is - a bright spot in a year of not-so-many bright spots.
To 2015, the year of learning and living and doubting and growing... and to 2016, the year of blank slates, start-agains, and making the best of things.